Custody and parenting plans
When it’s about your kids, it’s hard to think about anything else. I understand that. So I’ll start with the thing most parents need to hear first: the court isn’t deciding which of you is the better person. It’s deciding on a schedule your children can grow up inside.
What you’re facing
In Washington, the court doesn’t hand out “custody” the way it happens on television. What it approves is a parenting plan: a written document that says where the children live on which days, how holidays and summers are shared, how the big decisions about school and health care get made, and how the two of you handle disagreements.
Every family with children under 18 that goes through a divorce or separation ends up with one. Parents who were never married can ask for one too. And a plan that worked when your kids were four may not work when they’re fourteen.
The judge’s question is what serves the children. Not what’s fair to the adults, not who left whom. That can feel unfair in the moment, and it often turns out to be a relief. It means the case is about the kids, and so is everything I’ll ask you to think about.
Where you might be right now:
- You’re getting divorced and you have kids. The parenting plan is part of the divorce, and usually the part people care most about.
- You were never married and there’s no plan yet. You can ask the court to set one, along with child support.
- You have a plan and it isn’t working. Someone moved, a schedule became impossible, or something has happened that worries you about the children’s safety.
What happens next
If you’re building a plan for the first time
We start with your children’s actual lives: their school, their activities, who has been doing the drop-offs and the doctor visits, what each of you can realistically manage. Then we write a proposed plan around that. If the other parent agrees, it becomes part of the final orders. If you can’t agree, there may be temporary orders to hold things steady, then mediation, and only if that fails, a decision by a judge.
If you want to change a plan you already have
Small changes to the schedule are sometimes possible with less. A major change, like which parent the children mainly live with, requires showing that something substantial has changed in the children’s lives or the other parent’s life since the plan was made. Wanting a different arrangement isn’t enough on its own. I’ll tell you honestly whether what’s happened is likely to meet that bar.
If one parent wants to move away with the children
Washington has specific notice rules for this, and the timing matters. If you’re planning a move, or you’ve just been told the other parent is planning one, call me before anything is packed.
If you’re worried about your children’s safety
Tell me that in the first conversation. There are ways to ask the court to act quickly, and I’ll explain them. If anyone is in danger right now, call 911 first.
How I work
I write plans for the children you actually have. A plan that looks fair on paper but has a seven-year-old changing houses four times a week isn’t a good plan. I’ll ask about bedtimes, school pickup, who coaches soccer, and which grandparents live where, because that’s what a plan has to fit around.
I’ll be honest with you about how a judge is likely to see your situation, even when that’s hard to hear. I won’t promise you a schedule, and I won’t promise you’ll “win.” In a parenting case, the outcome that’s best for your kids is sometimes not the one you walked in wanting, and part of my job is helping you see that clearly.
I’ll keep the children out of it as much as the law allows. I’ll never ask you to put them in the middle, and I’ll help you avoid the things that quietly hurt your case: talking about the case in front of them, keeping them from the other parent without a court order, or arguing by text.
And when you call, it’s me who answers.
While you wait for our meeting
- Keep doing what you’ve been doing with the kids. Stability looks good to a court and feels good to children.
- Start a simple calendar of who has had the children, and when. Facts, not feelings.
- Keep your messages with the other parent short, polite, and about logistics. Assume a judge may read them someday.
- Don’t change the children’s school or move them without talking to me first.
The next step
Call me, and tell me a little about your children and what’s changed. We’ll sit down and look at your situation together, and you’ll leave knowing what the court is likely to focus on and what I’d do first.